Good Monday to you all, and what a Monday it is; one week closer to the tentpole event of the holiday calendar, Christmas. If you’re getting stressed about the big day, relax. I got a peek at Santa’s naughty list, and you aren’t on it.
I didn’t know this, but the naughty list is reserved for only the naughtiest of naughties. I was under the impression that you make the naughty list for indiscretions like not brushing your teeth and staying up past your bedtime.
The top of the naughty list for 2023 is mostly money laundering, tax evasion, and RICO violations. I mean, this year’s list is a who’s who of white-collar criminals.
I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but I saw the number one naughty for this year in a leaked email from Santa’s workshop, and let’s just say he’s a true rascal. That’s right, this year’s naughtiest goes to none other than Hunter Biden.
I know Hunter gets a bad rap, and much of it’s deserved for his abhorrent behavior, but I feel for the guy.
Call me sentimental, but it can’t be easy having a politician for a father. Depending on your political leanings, you might feel some satisfaction reading the news about Hunter’s latest legal troubles, including nine counts of tax evasion, but I can’t imagine what it’s like being the black sheep of such an influential family.
My work with kids has given me a soft spot for Hunter Biden. He’s a fifty-three-year-old man, but I see a mixed-up little boy every time he’s on television. The wounds from his childhood didn’t heal properly, and instead of getting the help he needed, his family swept his issues under the rug because they had bigger fish to fry; namely, they had their eyes on the White House, not Hunter’s development.
I don’t know what kind of father Joe Biden is. He’s the current father of our country if you think of U.S. Presidents as your daddies like I do, but I can’t imagine he had time to play the cutthroat Game of Thrones in D.C. and frisbee with his son after work. Something had to get pushed aside, and I think that something was Hunter.
If you’re watching the Hunter Biden saga unfold and you find yourself smiling and thinking, “he got what he deserved,” there’s a word for that: schadenfreude.
Schadenfreude is one of those delicious little German terms for which we have no synonym. It means “deriving joy from the misfortune of others.”
Germany has given America its fair share of headaches over the years, but it also gave us top-notch automotive engineering, fantastic sausage, Claudia Schiffer, and words that encapsulate feelings in a way our English parlance cannot.
Much like the Japanese word “wabi-sabi,” which means “finding beauty in the imperfections and embracing the impermanence of all things.” I love words that grasp concepts and moods, even if they come from two countries America had to smack into line back in WW2.
Sometimes, I wish English relied less on creating a new word for every little thing and instead developed more significant words that precisely seize the vibe of a given situation.
Here’s one I think we could use:
blumpkindorf (noun) - the body’s amplification of intestinal distress to the point of panic the closer you get to a toilet.
I felt schadenfreude in my life, even before I knew there was a word for it.
I got obnoxiously drunk at a wedding reception one time and had to live with the shame of being “that guy” for months.
I was a monster; it was truly embarrassing. I had to hear about my behavior from the groom, the bride, the parents of both, my high school Bible teacher, friends, enemies, and my mother; it was awful. I was ashamed.
But, not long after I forced my way onto the stage with the band only to have the drummer forcefully remove me, the groom revealed something to his bride that ended the marriage, and the headline of that wedding was no longer how pitifully drunk I was at the reception, but how abruptly the groom terminated the union.
I remember feeling a sense of delight that the heat was off me. I heard how hard the bride took the news of her broken marriage, and I felt vindicated.
“Well, she shouldn’t have called me a crapulous buffoon after I karate-kicked those wine bottles off the bar. Serves her right,” I thought.
Schadenfreude, while being a cool word, isn’t a cool feeling. It’s experiencing genuine glee when someone goes through tremendous pain. That’s not in keeping with the Christmas spirit we’re trying to cultivate year-round, is it?
If you remember my issue on the Buddhist concept of Indra’s Net, you remember that, despite our differences, vastly different backgrounds, and ideals, we are all polished nodes in a vast cosmic entanglement, each reflecting everyone and everything else.
When you think of schadenfreude in terms of Indra’s Net, it becomes clear that we’re only laughing at ourselves when others fail.
So, Hunter Biden, if you’re reading this, I wish you the ease to take your charges on the chin, use them as a learning experience, and move on. I can assure you I take no joy in your circumstances.
And if you find yourself in prison, just like I tell my students when I sentence them to forty minutes of hard time in lunch detention, “Do the time. Don’t let the time do you.”
Until next time.